A personal story – and a warning for us all

Posted: July 02, 2010

My name is Peter Grace and I came to Australia 33 years ago with my wife and children. The remainder of our family live in England and about ten years ago we made the commitment to visit our ageing relatives every year as they were not fit enough to travel to Australia.

For the first few years this worked fine and we had holidays with my parents but they got nervous about being away from their home in a small country village. My parents were both in their mid 80s but my mother was always saying they were fine and how lucky they were to be so well. In 2007 we stayed at their home and it was a real shock.

My father was getting less mobile and had poor vision. My mother appeared healthy but was getting increasingly forgetful. We could see their life was a disaster waiting to happen. For example, my mother drove the car but often forgot where she was and did erratic things. The house was falling into disrepair (the roof leaked and some electrical fittings were dangerous) because they did not notice maintenance was required. They had fallen victim to door to door scam artists and letters promising them lavish prizes.

It was very hard to return to Australia but we did not feel we had the right to tell them how to live their lives. We prepared ourselves to respond if (when?) a crisis occurred. My mother died suddenly in early 2008 and I went back to England to support my father. Only then did I realise that he was virtually blind and how skilfully he and my mother had hidden the fact. Their friends in the village knew (or suspected) they were struggling to continue living independently but were too polite to interfere. My father now has a live-in carer looking after him 24 hours a day.

I thought my situation was unique but whenever I tell this story I find others have a similar tale.

What's the moral to this story? You are likely to live much longer than you think and in the last stage of your life you are likely to be frail and forgetful. If it doesn't happen to you, it may happen to your spouse, your parents or some other friend and relative. Living independently will become increasingly difficult.

What can we do about it? We can prepare for the possibility by discussing the issues with our family so they are prepared. An enduring power of attorney is essential so that someone else can look after our financial affairs if we cannot. We can build the care costs into our retirement plans and put arrangements in place to minimise the chance of ‘elder-abuse'.

A key part of a financial plan is to look at risks such as retrenchment, bankruptcy, death and disablement and consider what can be done to minimise the potential impact of those events on ourselves and our families. Living longer than expected and needing care is another risk that many of us will face.

*A dowager is a woman who has inherited a title or property from her deceased husband: a rich-looking or respectable woman of advanced years.