Oh no – New Year resolutions again!

Posted: December 14, 2011

As everyone knows, by February many resolutions have gone the way of the used Christmas wrapping paper.

Making a permanent behavioural change takes a lot of time, effort and emotion. After all, we took time to develop the habit we want to change so why would creating a new behaviour be easy? We are often resigned, feeling stuck as we are and thinking there is nothing we can do. Deciding to do nothing is a decision to keep complaining (whether you do it out loud or internally).

There are four steps in making change. To illustrate the steps, let’s assume you have two teenage children and your resolution is to have more fun with them.

Preparation

Set yourself a long term goal that can be accomplished in many ways. For instance, ‘spend at least one weekend a month doing things that excite the kids’. You can then set short term goals each month – for instance, go on a bike ride round Sydney (see back page) or have a BBQ in a national park with their friends.

Action

There will be barriers to overcome – the kids may not both want to participate in a planned event for instance or the thing they want to do is too expensive. The key is to remind yourself of the expected benefits and not get hung up or linger on other things you may have to give up. Rewards are important to encourage you and others to keep up the new behaviour.

Maintenance

Keeping the action going is usually the biggest hurdle. It may be necessary to invent new ways to reach your goals. For instance, if one child wants to go bike riding but the other wants to go to a concert, you could have two events in a month – but still seek ways to do things together.

Relapse

It’s not inevitable but a distinct possibility that you will fall back into your old ways. When this happens expect to feel a failure and be disappointed. For instance, if you are too busy on a big work project and don’t organise an event. This is the moment to go back to your long term goal and imagine what it would be like when you succeed. For instance, the events you do with your children may also excite their friends (and their parents) and you create a community of people out having fun.
Christmas a year from now will be a time to celebrate your success.